Remember when all the physicists cried and hugged each other in celebration a few years ago over the “discovery” of the “Higgs Boson?” I can only imagine that the construction and lifetime operating costs of the Large Hadron Collider, totaling $13.25 billion at that point, put tremendous pressure on them to justify taxpayers being extorted for such a grand sum of money. They needed themselves a damn Miracle Boson and ole Higgsy was just perfect for the job.

The fun thing about the monstrous machine is that it produces such a voluminous amount of data that they end up discarding 99.99997% of it. They accomplish this with a massive server farm running algorithms written by the physicists themselves to separate out anything that isn’t “interesting.” After initial processing it’s sent out to a global network of computer centers for further processing.

Lord knows what kind of assumptions and preconceived ideas they’ve built in to these selection algorithms. It’s no wonder the “interesting” data that is kept “confirms” their “theories.” With all that pressure to discover the Almighty Boson they probably could have made a few key adjustments to the selection algorithms to “find” it. Hell they could have discovered the Schmiggs Schmoson if they wanted to.

At any rate — after a few years of being shut down following the Higgs discovery they turned Big Hadro back on this June and she’s been working like a charm quark. The papers are starting to flow in and as always they’re looking for new particles.

Remember in school when we learned about the atom? We were shown Bohr’s planetary model.


Ahh the good ole days of childhood, just three particles to worry about. This is not the current model however. The current model is a goddamn nightmare.

The total count of elementary particles under the Standard Model has increased to sixty-one. Neutrons and protons are broken further down into “quarks” held together by “gluons” (clever name, huh?). And I suppose when the atoms are smashed together at high speeds they pull all the other particles out of nowhere and toss them at the detectors.

And those are just the elementary particles. That doesn’t include composite particles like Mesons and Baryons. And I can’t wait until they start “discovering” all the “hypothetical particles” on deck. My favorite particle by far is the tardyon. Did you know that we’re made of tard-particles?

The particles all have parameters like mass, electric charge, “quantum spin.” Some have “color charge,” “parity,” “hypercharge,” “strangeness,” etc. It goes on and on and on.

My only question is how in the world does Mother Nature keep track of all this shit? That wasn’t very nice of God to make this so complicated.



The first “cyclotron” particle accelerator was just a nine inch baby put together in 1931. Little feller could only reach a measly 1 MeV of energy.

The “Calutron” was based off cyclotron technology and was constructed during WWII to separate uranium isotopes for the Manhattan Project.

Later accelerators got continually bigger and more powerful. Oak Ridge, Los Alamos, Brookhaven, Argonne, Fermilab, SLAC, Jefferson (TJNAF), and Berkeley National Laboratories built them in the US. They were constructed in countries around Europe with CERN’s facilities being the most well known. China has two as well.

I’m trying to do my best to locate one that wasn’t straight up government funded. Even the one at MIT was funded through a congressional grant. I’m still looking.

Certainly I can see governments having an interest in building these things especially after the discovery of fission and the development of nuclear weapons. Perhaps they were interested in bigger bombs or new energy sources. I’m thinking there may be an interesting history here.

In any event — throughout the 40s and 50s new particles were added to the list through means other than accelerators such as studying cosmic rays. The temptation to interpret every unexplained phenomenon with YAP (yet another particle) was apparently already present.

In 1962 the muon neutrino was discovered by Leon Lederman, Melvin Schwartz and Jack Steinberger using the Alternating Gradient Synchrotron at Brookhaven National Laboratory. They were awarded the Nobel Prize in 1988 for it. The Xi Baryon (“a family of subatomic hadron particles“) and Omega-Minus Baryon were discovered in 1964 also at the Brookhaven National Laboratory.

In 1969 Feynman’s Partons were discovered at SLAC although they were later incorporated into the quark model. In 1974 the tasty J/ψ Meson was also discovered at SLAC. So tasty in fact that Burton Richter and Samuel Chao Chung Ting received the 1976 Nobel Prize.

In 1977 Upsilon Meson was discovered at Fermilab. In 1979 the Germans came in big with the Gluon at their DESY facility.

In 1983 the W and Z Bosons were discovered at CERN. I’ve always felt sad for these little bosons, they only have a half-life of about 3 x 10^-25 seconds. Poor guys never had a chance to make it to the detectors. It’s a damn miracle physicists were able to find them. Sheldon Glashow, Steven Weinberg, and Abdus Salam shared the 1979 Nobel Prize for predicting the little farts in the wind. A few years later the 1984 Nobel was awarded to Carlo Rubbia and Simon van der Meer for their contributions in discovering the W and Z bosons.

In 1995 Martin L. Perl and Frederick Reines co-shared the Nobel for the discovery of the Tau Lepton and the detection of the Neutrino, respectively.

In 2002 Raymond Davis, Jr. and Masatoshi Koshiba won the Nobel for detecting cosmic Neutrinos.

In 2008 Makoto Kobayashi and Toshihide Maskawa snatched up the Prize, “for the discovery of the origin of the broken symmetry which predicts the existence of at least three families of quarks in nature.”

And last but not least François Englert and Peter Higgs were awarded the 2013 Nobel for their work on the Higgs Boson. Here’s a nice analogy for you:


So it seems to me like predicting or discovering a new particle can land you the coveted Nobel and a great deal of prestige. A place in eternity. And it seems like these government funded accelerators with their endless data outputs and wide room for confirmation bias are the perfect incubators to birth these new particles.

A wise man named Ron Paul once said that if you subsidize something, you get more of it. Well, the government subsidized particle accelerators and we got more particles. And judging by things like socialized healthcare or the tax code, when government comes near anything it becomes unintelligible and insanely complicated. Standard Model has it all. Gubmit Fyziks ain’t done yet though.


Well, in the particle business you gotta keep the particles flowing to make sure that government cash money keeps rolling in. I’m not sure they’re going to be able to top the Higgs though.

CERN is indicating it might take another direction. They’re thinking of looking for dark matter. That would be big. That’s the stuff they had to invent because the galaxy rotation problem shows that Eine’s General Relativity makes an incorrect prediction. All this lip service physicists pay to “if one experiment shows it’s wrong then we have to throw it out” is horseshit. In this case they just sprinkled invisible matter in all the right places around the galaxy in order to make the numbers come out right. And they weren’t light with the sprinkles (27% of all the mass-energy in the Universe, wow!). Regular matter only gets 5%. Rest goes to dark energy. Seems legit.


Photo of Dark Energy

You better believe they’re gonna be popping champagne bottles though with a dark matter discovery if Big Hadro gets involved. Another option CERN is considering are extra dimensions. Don’t discover them all at once now!! String Theory only has eleven! Save some for later.

CERN also mentioned the possibility of gravitons although they fear that the little particle might, “rapidly disappear into extra dimensions.” The Earth shoots little beads at me but instead of blowing me off the planet somehow mysteriously it draws me downward. Also gravitons would be elementary particles so they’d be zero dimensional and have no size. Also sometimes the 0D beads might just disappear into extra dimensions. Obviously. Got it?


I think the whole Standard Model charade is Ptolemy’s epicycles all over again. It does not provide a single rational explanation for anything. There is not a single object anywhere in the Standard Model. What you have are 0D particles, forces, fields, charges, and all other manner of abstract mathematical concepts which have been reified into objects through the Fallacy of Reification. This is why it is impossible to picture anything the Model says. So they have to give endless “analogies” like the one above for the Higgs Boson. They can’t ever just explain the “real deal!”

Physics is the study of objects (that with shape). Economics is the study of human action. The mathematicians need to take their irrational nonsense back to their own discipline and quit poisoning either science. With the discovery of Thread Theory the mathematicians can no longer make the excuse that the Universe is too strange and complicated to understand.

The Standard Model is just a product of vast machines and voluminous data, of confirmation bias, of overly complex mathematics, of the desire for prestige, of group think, of fear of authority or ostracism for dissent, and of billions and billions of government money to fuel the whole fire. The Large Hadron Collider is a modern Temple to the Religion of Mathematical Physics. It reminds me of the extraordinarily advanced supercomputer from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:


If you’re not familiar, a race of hyper intelligent beings constructed the machine so they could ask it, “What is the meaning of life?” They had to wait 7.5 million years for it to process the answer. The response?

“The answer is 42.”

No matter how advanced the machine, garbage in, garbage out!